Tessa is ONE!!

 (Well, a while ago...)

I am still at peanut at 19 inches (10%tile) and 28.4 lbs (36%tile). 
I sign more, all done, and eat.
I stand on my own, especially if I am distracted.
I can take just a couple of steps. 
I had tubes in my ears.
I got four more teeth at once, making that six teeth in two weeks.  That was fun. 
I love helping my mom do patty-a-cake by holding her hands. 
I can get my own snacks in the pantry.
I am interested in all of my sister's toys. 
I found the stairs and quickly fell down two of them onto hardwood floors. 
I loved pigs-in-a-blanket on Thanksgiving. I ripped Mom's out of her hand so I could eat it. 

Birthday Eves

On birthday eves, I hold on tight.  They get extra books, extra snuggles, and extra lullabies.  Because when they wake up in the morning, they will be another year older. And I'm not ready to admit it.  

It surprised me when Mila turned one.  The desire to hold on and not let go.  Knowing that the next time I see her, she will "officially" be another year older.  Even though it's only a day, it's marked by another year.  As Mila celebrated more brithdays, it didn't get easier.  From two to three and three to four, I stalled every birthday eve bedtime to savor all of the last moments of that year before the next milestone.  

Tomorrow, my baby girl will be one year old.  So I am savoring these moments for a different reason.  I will never have a baby this little again.  When I realize that, I squeeze tighter. 

Birthday eves are extra tough on this Momma's heart. 

The Year of Podcasts

I know.  I am way late to this.  But it is finally the year I got into podcasts.  

I've never had anything against them.  Just always preferred to rock out to the Hamilton Soundtrack in the car or my own playlist during a workout instead.  

During the Spring quarantine, I started to explore them for something new, something different, something engaging. An escape from the monotony of quarantine life.  I found podcasts are the perfect partner for my outdoor runs, my chore list, and my errands.  

A list of my faves this year (thanks Spotify):

My Favorite Murder: The one that started it all.  A hilarious look at heinous crimes.  (No really.)  Two women share their research about crimes and history in a raw and uncensored way.  

Unlocking Us with Brene Brown: All of the most urgent issues or society is grappling with discussed with vulnerability and courage. Brene Brown highlights the most insightful, reflective, and engaging set of guests.  Alicia Keys. Ibriam Kendi. Glennon Doyle. Joe Biden. Austin Channing Brown. Resee Witherspoon. Kerry Washington. All of the most urgent issues or society is grappling with discussed with vulnerability and courage.  Get your to-read list ready with this podcast.  You'll be adding lots of titles. 

The Michelle Obama Podcast:  She is queen.  There is hardly anything else to say.  Oh! And I loved listening to the parenting episode with my husband on a walk.  

Nice White Parents: Best for last. EVERYONE in education needs to listen to this podcast. Scratch that -- EVERYONE who has ever attended school in America needs to listen to this podcast. Her central thesis is "white parents will stand in the way of truly equal schools."  And she proves it over and over and over again.  

That Damn Elf

I was naive that first year.  I heard parents complain about it, but thought, it will be different for me. I always like making the holidays extra special like my mom always had.  I am not scared of a little bit of work.  So, so naive.  

And the first year was fun!  Our elf was very active and creative.  I practically planned the entire month out the first week of December.  We giggled as we looked around the house at new spots to hide that damn elf.  Special treats arrived on the weekends with movie nights and popcorn.  I took pictures of the staged adventures.  And clearly set the bar way too high. 

The second year, the elf arrived as I left for the hospital in labor with Tessa.  Trying to remember to move that damn elf while living in a newborn fog at Christmas time was a special kind of challenge.  Most of the duties fell to Casey as I was tending to Tessa.  I still give him crap for setting her in the baby swing so I couldn't use it all day.  And the night we completely forgot to move her.  Never knew I could be so good at lying to my kid.  

As the third year approached, we were already cussing that damn elf out weeks in advance.  But Mila was already counting down the days.  She knows it arrives on Mom's birthday (so the elf arrival trumps any other celebrations -- maybe that wasn't planned well).  And somehow, she was recalling all of the places that damn elf has been in the last two years. 

"Dad, remember when she drew a smiley face in my bathroom?" Last year.  

"Mom, remember when Twinkle took a bubble bath in my bathroom.  That was so funny." TWO years ago.  When you were three.  How do you remember that?

There goes repeating any ideas year to year.

Yesterday, a quick Pinterest search (and a mom who doesn't have time to overthink this part of her life anymore) gave me the perfect quick and easy "Welcome Back" sign and activity for that damn elf.  So, at 5:15 this morning, I was off to HyVee to get donuts before Mila woke up.  On my way home, I started to panic that she was going to get up and go downstairs before I got home.  That would ruin everything.  

As I quickly ran into the house, my phone flew out of my hands and crashed to the hardfloor in the kitchen.  Right below Mila's room.  I stage that damn elf on the counter, my plan B option, just in case she starts coming downstairs.  Sure enough, as soon as get her set and start to clean of the table, I hear footsteps.  I meet Mila at the landing, who is already dancing with glee because she knows Twinkle arrived.  I distract her long enough to get Casey and Tessa out of bed to help us look.  

The excitement in her voice, the look on her face, the pure joy of Christmas magic.  All worth it.

Only ten more years, Casey says.  That damn elf.  

Telling Twinkle about her day at school

Tessa is Eleven Months Old!

I am 18 pounds and 27 inches long.
I have two teeny baby teeth finally poking through on the bottom. 
I can stand for two seconds all by myself.  
I hate hearing the word "no" and already throw a fit about it.
I had my fifth AND sixth ear infections (tubes are scheduled).
I love saying "hi" to everyone.
I am so loved at daycare, and finally napping for more than an hour there.   
I love dancing and wiggling to any music. 
I got to be a flower girl at my Aunt Rissa's wedding!  I loved being pushed down the aisle in the cart.

Mila is FIVE!

I'm in denial.  Even tonight, I look at my sweet baby, and she has grown up right before my eyes into a smart, empathetic, creative little girl.  

No longer a baby.  No longer a toddler.  Now a full-blown kid. A preschooler.  

Our birthday party plans needed to be adjusted when she came home from daycare with a 102.5 fever on Friday night.  But, that couldn't keep Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Rissa, and Uncle Y-yan away.  And we had a cake ordered anyway.  

Just like her parents, the girl will never say no to a party.  She tried hard to entertain all of us even though she wasn't feeling her best.  

Tessa enjoyed her two bites of cake, getting in some practice for December. 

Sunday, I had to trick her into resting.

When she woke up on her actual birthday, I heard her coming down the stairs.  I met her there and wished her a happy birthday and started singing.  She looked confused.  

She said, "But Mom, I'm not all grown up yet" as she pointed down at her legs.  Annoyed.  Mad.  Frustrated.  

This was finally putting into perspective the conversations she had been having with us lately.  The comments like "after my next birthday, I will be a mommy and you will be a grandma.  You'll have to come visit your honeys at my house after I get married."

It took me a while to convince her it actually was October 12th, and she was five years old, even though she wasn't a grown-up.  I had to further explain the five year olds were still kids.  And she will still be a kid at six, seven, eight and for many, many more years.    

Then I told her it was a Grandma day and I had a special breakfast treat for her, and everything was fine.  

Tessa is Ten Months Old!

I am FINALLY SLEEPING IN MY OWN BED FOR 10 HOURS A NIGHT. (Mom is a little excited about this one!)

I don't nap at daycare for more than 20-30 minutes at a time, though. 

I am standing and pulling myself up to everything.  I think I can get this walking thing down soon.

I found the stairs at home, but I am not quite sure what to do with them yet.  Stay tuned.

I love Baby Shark!  At home and at daycare, I will just start dancing, nodding, and waving my arms. 

I smack my lips together. 

I try to say "dada" and "done" in addition to "momma."

I had my fourth ear infection.  Now, I will probably get a referral to the ENT.
I still don't have any teeth. 
I make a pterodactyl cry if I don't get my way. 

I still love chasing my sister around the house.