Haunted by Emptiness

Mila moved to a new room and a new bed this weekend.  It was needed.  I felt so guilty every time I'd check on her, and she was hanging half off her bed.

I had been avoiding this move.  I thought it was because I didn't want my little baby to be in a big girl bed.  I thought it was because I didn't think I had time to make this switch.  I thought it was because I wanted new bedding, new furniture, and new paint in her new room.  I thought I it was because I wanted to make it perfect like her current room.

I slowly told myself these were unrealistic expectations.  Mila's nursery was a work in progress that took six months to complete.  I reassured myself that, in time, her new room would be just as perfect.

When she was half off her bed on Friday night, I knew it had to be this weekend.  I bought a super cute quilt.  I put Doug to work putting shelving in her closet.  We rearranged the bedroom to make sure the bed was against two walls.  We started clearing boxes we hadn't looked in since we had moved in four and a half years ago.  It was time.  I was as ready as I would ever be for Mila to be a new room.

Or so I thought.

I started searching for a new dresser for Mila's room.  I toyed with the idea of going to Homemakers and getting her a bedroom set.  I know it wasn't necessary.  I didn't have a bedroom set until I was married.  And we definitely can't afford the added expense now.  I clearly was trying to avoid something.

And then it hit me.  She didn't need a new dresser because no one else would be using the one in the nursery.  I realized this move didn't really have anything to do with Mila growing up.  It was about the empty nursery.

I am sick of being reminded that I am not pregnant.  Now, this one is a big gapping empty whole in my house constantly taunting me.

Monday Milestones: Mila's First Trick-or-Treat!

There wasn't much thought that went into Mila's costume this year.  I immediately knew what I wanted for her to be.  Since she was born, she has been our little bug.  I started calling her my little love bug and bugaboo month one.  Now, it's practically her name.  Everyone call her bug.  Her favorite show is Beat Bugs on Netflix, which is a cartoon of little bugs singing Beatles songs.  Of course, she had to be a lady bug.  

Apparently, lady bugs have tea parties on top of coffee tables.  Yes, she climbed up there all by herself. In one quick moment.  

We went trick-or-treating to about five houses in the neighborhood.  She had no idea what was going on, but she tried to take everything in.   

M&Ms are yummy (Mila's first chocolate).

Mila is 11 Months!

Milestones:
I said my third word, "ta-da," after I learned to turn on the iPhones and iPads. 
I take one step then giggle like crazy and fall down. 
I am learning about puzzles and can get the circle in the right spot. 
I got hand, foot, and mouth the week school started, then shared it with all my friends at daycare.
I got another virus the next week and shared it with Mom and Dad.
I tailgated my first game in Ames wearing purple and gold!  
I love my stuffed animals!  I give them hugs all the time.
I dance to the music of all of my toys.  

First Daddy-Daughter Dance

The first of many daddy-daughter dances.  I don't know if my heart can handle it.

Mila, the Bulldozer

A couple weeks ago, we got this picture from daycare with the note "this is what I do all day."

Rose has nicknamed Mila the bulldozer, and she does just that.  Plows through whatever is in her way to get to where she needs to go.  Not a care for what obstacle is in front of her; she is a girl on a mission.  When I picked her up from daycare on Monday, Rose told me she made every baby cry.

We got to see this first hand that same weekend when we had a playdate with Finn.

Thankfully, Finn is such a good sport, he didn't seem to mind being mauled by his girlfriend.  Mila was really wanting to dance with the fox.

And, it's not just reserved for babies.  When we get home from school, we spend an hour on the floor doing this.  Back and forth.  Back and forth.  Apparently, conquering Mom's lap is far more fun than playing with toys.

Then, when she finally does stand up, the pride she feels:

With more bumps, bruises, and rug burns along the way:

We are going to have one very active summer!

Mila, if this is your personality shining through, then GREAT.  You already know what you want and will go get it.  It just might wear your parents out in the process.

Monday Milestones: Pulling Up and Trying to Stand!?

Yeah, this one came quick!  Mom and Dad aren't really ready for it.

All of a sudden you want to pull yourself up and stand up to everything.  So much effort and passion is going into figuring out how to get your legs under you.  And you don't give up.  You will fall, hit your head, and go back for more.  So determined.  I love this little personality shining through.

This exploring has its side effects for Mom and Dad, warning us we need to child proof the house a little earlier than we thought.

And for Mila with her first bruise. Good thing she is one tough girl.

Monday Milestones: First Tooth!

I knew it would eventually pop through, but after watching you gnaw and drool over everything in sight for the last two months, I had no idea what kind of timeline we were looking at.  I was shocked when it actually did.  

At the doctor's office today for your six month check up, I causally mention, "and no teeth yet."  Dr. Seacory said, "did you see this one right here on the left?"  You immediately made a liar out of me. 

Sure enough, little white nubs were poking through your gums. I was nearly giddy about this milestone. I wanted someone else there to celebrate, but Dr. Seacory didn't look nearly as surprised or ecstatic as I was.  So proud of you. You are growing up so fast. And now I why you haven't slept the last two nights. 

I'd love to add a picture, but every time we try to look, the tongue goes out, too. Might be a while before we have photographic evidence. 

Monday Milestones: Mila on the Move

You have been moving since Valentine's Day.  That was the first time I left you somewhere, and you weren't there when I returned.  Definitely a moment that stopped Mom in her tracks.  [pictures February 14, 2016]

Since then, you have been spinning on your tummy.  Faster and faster everyday.  We usually put a circle of toys around you, so you have access to them.  You are perfectly content spinning from one to the next.  [pictures April 11, 2016]

You even spin around in your crib in the middle of the night.  (Mom laid you down with your feet going the other way.)  [picture February 24, 2016]

On Saturday, we went to Baby and Me Yoga for the third time, and they had us do "baby plank."  You had your cute little hands stretched out on the ground, and I lifted your hips in the air.  Apparently, that was all the cue you needed.  You now have your army crawl down, especially going after Mom's phone.  [video April 9, 2016]

This creates new problems for you.  You got stuck under the chair and didn't know how to get out. [pictures April 10, 2016]

All too soon, you will be taking off clear across the room before we know it.  Our summer is going to be a lot different than I think I had originally anticipated.  And I can't wait!

To top it off, you've nearly mastered sitting.  It was a busy weekend.