Life is Good: Reflections on 2019

A former colleague of mine nominated me for the "Life is Good" challenge on Facebook.  This one asks participants to post a photo that is meaningful to them without explanation.  10 photos.  10 days.

To be honest, I do love these challenges.  I prefer these pictures to flood my news feed than depressing news articles and creepy stalker advertisements.  However, I have commitment problems with these challenges.  For one, it's a vulnerable act to share these pieces of my life.  Each post -- whether a photo, announcement, or meme -- really is exposing a part of who you are.  And, two, the minute I miss a day, I feel like a failure. Then I just give up without finishing.

So this time, I'm using it as an invitation to reflect on 2019 - 10 good moments to celebrate this year.  If you look at my social media persona, I'm sure you assume this is an easy task for me. But of course, that's the magic of social media.  It masks the struggles.  The reality.

And you know what?  Maybe that's okay.  Maybe we need a spot to remind ourselves of the best versions of who we are. With that in mind, here are the top 15 everyday moments I want to hold onto from 2019 (because I couldn't pick just 10).

January 27th

January 30th

February 23rd

March 10th

April 5th

July 24th

July 26th

July 30th

August 14th

September 16th

November 16th

December 6th

December 8th

 December 15th

Worth the Wait

26 months trying to conceive
17 months infertility therapy
  6 intrauterine inseminations
  1 positive pregnancy test

Baby girl arrives in December.

International Women's Day: A Tribute

I looked around the room with my daughter, my sister, my mother, and my grandmother, and realized I am the least stubborn of all of these women.  And, man, is that saying a lot. 

Never once have any of these women let someone else tell them they can't do something.  In fact, each see it as a personal mission to prove them wrong.  (If you hear "Watch me" as a response, move aside.  Quickly.)

Each of them has a special place in their hearts for the innocence and magic of children.  They make each child feel as if there is nothing more important in the world than what that child is doing right now.  It's a no wonder I am a teacher, and my sister is a pediatric nurse.  

I am so honored Mila will know the strength and power of these women.  They will guide her to follow her intuition.  They will give the best hugs that envelop her in safety.  They will show her what unconditional love is. 

January 24, 2019

Hi, Steve,

Five years.  Whoa.  This definitely falls into the category of what I have always known and what has never made sense in my head. It's one of those things that make you realize life truly does go on.  Our entire world changed that day, but just ours.  Grief is funny that way.

You see, for most of my time with Casey, you haven't been around, but you are such an important force in our life that I still can't wrap my head around the idea that you won't ever be here.  It's been five years, and I think it is more unfair today than that day five years ago.

Tonight, we headed to Greenbriar to feel a little closer to you, to honor you.  That place is always comforting and safe to me.  The first day I met you we ended the day by having dinner there after a Hawkeye football game, my first, but not last, time at the round table in the corner.  And since you've passed, we have still celebrated every one of your birthdays there.

I asked Casey his favorite memory with you at Greenbriar.  I half knew the answer as he has talked many times of the days you two would stop on the way home from a meeting in Cedar Rapids.  He said it pretty much a given.  There is still such peace and true happiness in his eyes when he shares about those moments.  (I also learned today that you may have Indian leg wrestled BJ in the middle of the restaurant.  And won.)

I know I don't have to tell you this, but you would be so proud of Casey.  After you died, Rexco was never the same for him.  I could tell he was lost.  He gave it a valiant effort, especially after his sabbatical in 2014.  But the passion he had for the job never returned.  I want that for him.  I want a career in which he feels confident, competent, and successful. 

Since leaving, it hasn't been easy on him.  Or us.  But I still believe, with every fiber of my being, that it was the right choice.  I know he desperately wants your advice on all of the jobs, interviews, and opportunties he has faced in the last two years.  We chat frequently about what you would think of his decisions, what advice you would have.  While I can't guide him much professionally (teaching is an entirely different ballgame), I can guide him in knowing that you would one hundred precent support him. 

And, your sweet granddaughter Mila. Man, do I wish I could see you two together.  We take comfort in knowing you are watching over us, guiding us. 

Love,
Your favorite daughter-in-law

2019: Let's Do This

After much reflection and too much thought, I am not setting New Year's resolutions.  This is a big deal for me.  I can't remember a time at the beginning of a new year or the beginning of a school year where I didn't have new resolutions.

Now, this is not to be confused with goals. Of course I have goals.  Goals imply ambition.  Goals reveal hope.  Goals highlight a future.  Resolutions suggest there is something wrong with me I need to change.

Two big realizations help me to resign myself to not committing to resolutions:

1. I'm already a pretty decent version of myself, and I've worked hard to get to where I am -- personally and professionally.  I am still a work-in-progress who is constantly changing and growing, and that's okay.  At yoga just before New Year's Eve, someone said her goal was to keep being herself.  Why can't that be all of our resolutions?  What is wrong with that? 
2. The "resolutions" I want are ones I have no control over in life: Casey finding a rewarding and fulfilling career and getting pregnant.  And this has been a great lesson in what I can control -- and an important realization for someone who likes and thrives in control. 

So instead, this year, we are letting the three year old take the lead in life.  For the last month or so, Mila responds to even the smallest of tasks with "Yeah! Let's do this!

          "Mila, it's time to put your shoes on so we can go to the store."

          "Yeah! Let's do this!"

          "Should we go down stairs to have some breakfast, Mila?" 

          "Yeah! Let's do this!"

          "Mila, go throw your garbage in the trash."

          "Yeah! Let's do this!"

The excitement and energy in her voice for such a menial task catches me off guard.  She's right.  There is an adventure and amazement in every day.  

We are embracing the three year old's motivation.  This has become our motto for 2019, instead of a resolution.  And honestly, it hasn't been easy for even the first 19 days of the year.  But, thankfully, I married someone who is just as foolishly optimistic as I am.  

And sometimes, when life tries to knock us back down, we add a "damn it" at the end.