Two Weeks

A mother of an infant can tell you how much life changes in two weeks' time.  But, really two weeks isn't even long enough for a good European vacation.  However, these last two weeks have more events than two lifetimes need.  Here is how life has changed:

Two weeks ago, I was anxious to get back into the classroom.  I headed to school to collect pre-tests and reading surveys. I wanted data on the students I would finally be able to meet on March 23rd.  Now, that data sits on my kitchen table, not because I am procrastinating, but because I don’t know how -- or when -- to use this data I have.  

Two weeks ago, my nightmares revolved around being late for school.  My stress was getting out the door in time with two kids. Now, my nightmares are literal end-of-the-world dreams where I am fighting to save my family.  The tornado of softball-sized black bumblebees with dentured teeth still haunts me.  

Two weeks ago, I drank socially.  A glass or two of wine with friends, out to eat, or after the kids went to bed.  Now, the wine takes the edge off and calms my anxieties. It helps the constant uneasiness that is crawling under my skin always. 

Two weeks ago, I was trying to get back to meal planning.  After a Vegas vacation, we were looking forward to structure and routine.  Now, eating out at our favorite local restaurants seems like an act of service to support the struggling economy. 

Two weeks ago, my husband’s job prospects were looking up.  He worked hard to build himself up since he found an industry that matters to him.  Now, the economy has tanked. People are losing jobs left and right. Unemployment is skyrocketing.  

Two weeks ago, I was counting down the snuggles with my three-month-old daughter as my maternity leave came to an end.  Knowing those moments are limited. Now, there is a real chance I will enjoy those snuggles until August. Is this the only way a woman can get a long maternity leave in America?  A global pandemic? 

Two weeks ago, my biggest curriculum concern was getting students enough practice and feedback with reading and writing to improve and prepare them for what they encountered next.  Now, I just want them to get any reading and writing. 

Two weeks ago, I worried about a lack of money.  Now, I worry about a lack of available resources, like toilet paper, diapers, formula. 

Two weeks ago, I was cautiously concerned about germs, especially around my infant daughter.  Now, I am alarmed and alert about what we are touching and how often we are washing our hands.

Two weeks ago, my four-year-old was looking forward to introducing her sister to her friends at daycare.  Last night, she cried because she misses her daycare friends. 

Two weeks ago, my worries were about balancing the business of life with two kids as I returned to work.  Now, I worry about the life we will leave for these children after all of this is over. 

Yoga While Social Distancing

My time on my mat is sacred. I love escaping to the studio to have an hour all to myself. I laugh, stretch, relax, breathe, and feel renewed. When social distancing is recommended and gyms are closed, that’s no longer an option.

But! When the gym offers a Facebook live yoga session, I find a way to make it a family affair. We’ve got mats, iPads, and straps at home. Push the kitchen table away to create space, and we have our at-home studio. What could go wrong?  Here are the highlights:

Tessa watched us intently the entire time. I think she was judging us.

I made all my normal stretching noises.  Well, I thought they were normal. Casey cracks up.  Mila says, “Mom, what is it?” Casey replies, “Your mom just keeps screaming.”

At one point, Casey fell down and I laughed with tears. Just like at the studio.

Mila created her own poses.  As Bradie would say, “It’s your mat and your practice.”

Holding snacks with your toes during figure four position. 

Fake sleeping. 

Finally, savasana. With a four year old prop, apparently. 

But, I made it on my mat. And that counts. Namaste. 

A Momma's Quiet Time

I've written before about how I get up before the rest of the house to have some quiet me time.  A time to reflect, read, write, move, plan, meditate.  When I got pregnant with Tessa, things changed.  I was too exhausted.  I've never known that kind of exhaustion.  Sleep became the priority.

Now that we are practicing social distancing, at home, with my family, all day, I need to protect some me time.  So this morning I got up at 5am when Tessa wanted to eat and decided not to go back to bed when she fell asleep.

I need a place to sit, think, reflect, and write before my world needs me.  There are so many overwhelming thoughts and questions in my mind amidst all of this Covid-19 pandemic.  It is much harder to try to sort it out in my head when two girls need me.

All over social media, many are sharing posts about keeping children to routine with beautiful color-coded schedules. They make social distancing look so easy and fun.  Just follow these instructions to keep your sanity.  They are so influential I started to draft one up for Mila (which is when I realized there is no time for me built in and I needed to make sure I found some). While there is a need for routine and structure, we also need to be forgiving of ourselves and others.  These are uncharted times.  We need to do what works, and there is a good chance we don't know what that is.

Mommas, be sure to take care of yourself.

Fourteen Weeks and the End of Maternity Leave

Fourteen weeks of snuggles and sleepless nights.
Fourteen weeks of learning to be a family of four.
Fourteen weeks of tears - from both of us.
Fourteen weeks of worries for a new babe.
Fourteen weeks of watching her explore her world.
Fourteen weeks of love growing more than I thought possible.
Fourteen weeks of moments I will savor.

I’m lucky to get fourteen weeks of just Tessa and Momma time.  So lucky that I feel guilty about it.  (Thanks to a society that forces moms to work too soon and then guilts them into going back too soon.)  I even have another week home with Mila for Spring Break, and heck, who knows, maybe another week or two after that.  But, today is an end. An end of my official leave.

I’m ready to go back to work and I’m sad to go back to work.  I want to go back and see my students. And I want to stay home and watch my girl grow and learn new things every day. The momma-teacher heart struggle is real.

So while this sleeping babe lays in my arms, I’m going to choose to savor this and binge some shows a little more. The house cleaning  and laundry can wait.

The days are long, but the years (and weeks) are too short.

Tessa is Three Months!

I celebrated turning three months in Las Vegas! (which is why Mom is a little late getting this out.)
I rocked my first flight, especially on the way home.
I even went on my first road trip to Aunt Rissa’s new house. It has been a busy travel month.
I smile constantly, showing off my cute dimples.
I am still a tiny peanut at just over 11 pounds (my doctor is a little concerned).
I coo and gurgle in the sweetest little voice.
I met and snuggled all my cousins for the annual Smith/Driscoll Christmas celebration.
I watch everything and do not want to miss out on anything. Those lights in Vegas are mesmerizing!
I so desperately want to stand and I strengthen my leg muscles everyday trying to.